My direct opposite, my lost friend
He is my friend, long lost in the midst of shining environment as the darkness consumes me, I tried to escape but I can’t, I’m sorry. He taught me how to love, I taught him how to hate, he taught me how to live, what did I gave him? Nothing but a negative thought coming from the side of me, coming from my head. He’s bright, I’m not. As he shines I turned to be his shadow.
In the past, I remember where we used to be as one, from there I realize we can’t be together because I am me, and you are different.
Still, my memory of you cripples me in my nap, as I, untroubled, often see you in my dreams asking what I have done. I tend not to respond. As you come closer I choose to flee, without any intention of turning my back. But as the days goes by, without you by my side, the darkness begins to glow, darker than I thought.
As I started to hate you I started to hate myself. This time I think I’m lost. Do you still remember when we started to dream? Put a smack on the face of those people who laugh about our delusions? I do and I laugh every time. Do you remember the time we laugh? Or the time we cry? The time where we don’t have anything and anyone but just the two of us watching the sky… where both of us wanted to fly? I do, and sometimes I cry. What a pathetic person right?
You were cherished, loved, and they cared about you, while I was viewed as a monster, as I battle with the demons inside me, people start hating me, thinking I’m different, and I am weird. And these might be the reason I chose to give up on you. I just wanted to fix myself at that time, but it seems I destroyed you, and now you are nowhere to be found. The worse things happen at that time as I introduced myself to these dangers (smoking and liquor) the thought of fixing me, became just a thought. It looks like the world is turning itself in front of my face so slowly.
Do you miss me? Maybe not, because you don’t show yourself anywhere and you’re nowhere to be found. Do you know that I lost my precious smile? My adored laugh, and warm personality? I communicate less just to avoid being in pai . As I reminisce about the past, I just realized I needed you. I’m sorry for our past, maybe it was there to happen but I didn’t know it will be the cause for us to separate ways. What happens in that day happens and I know we cannot do anything about it. I miss you.
He’s my direct opposite, my old friend; my long lost me, lost as I dwell with this toxic society, lost as I was nurtured by this dirty environment, and lost as I was nurtured by my painful past. He wanted to be successful, waiting for his big shot, playing to be the best, and represent his country in that platform, while I was waiting for my day to stop, hoping I won’t be awake again. He is lost as he waits himself to be me again.
All I can say is goodbye, just for this time, the day I will be you again, we will chase those clouds and make our brightest days. This time, just this time, let me fix what I needed to fix, so we can be together, chasing our dreams and smile again. I’m still fine and don’t worry.
This time let me embrace the fading darkness before I decide to leave it, find a motivation for my every day, and let me leave this negativity in my head. Let’s face this world together like in the past. Now, I won’t leave you behind, you will have me at your back wherever you go.
I apologize that I chose not to talk to you, ignore you, and let my ego go through. I hope you will forgive me. There will be a certain time, I will be able to find you, I promise to treat you better than everyone and cherish you.
Please accept my apology made just for you.
Hello “I” this is for you…
Hey there. I know that you’re going through a lot but I want to talk to you for a second.
You aren’t a bad guy. You aren’t a monster. Sometimes it’s okay to lose
Everything you did can be forgiven. You know why? Because the only person who hasn’t forgiven you is you.
You’ve told everyone you know and love and trust about what was bothering you. Why you felt like you did something wrong. What you did wrong, and guess what? They still love you. Just some tho…
That’s right, they love you and care about you, and believe in you.
All that’s left is you. No one else
I’m sorry I went against you. I’m sorry that I didn’t believe in you.
I’m sorry that I doubted you and thought that you were the vilest piece of human garbage to ever exist. I was wrong
I’m sorry that I didn’t work hard enough to process your grief. I’m sorry that I didn’t do my best to stop you from processing in an unhealthy way. I’m sorry that I did all these things to you and didn’t think about their future repercussions.
I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you that I love you and you are loved. So let me tell you now, I love you, and someone, somebody, is rooting for you.
I love you, and that’s why we’re still here. Why you haven’t given up, why you keep trying every day to live.
Because deep down I know that despite all you’ve done, you’re worth loving. I know this because you changed. I watched you changed.
You want to grow past your mistakes and don’t ever want to look back. You want to grow into the best person I know you can be and I know you mean it too.
Don’t worry, because I’ll have your back. I’ll always look out after you.
Say it with me now.
I love you. I believe in you. You are not a bad person and don’t you ever forget it.
Believe that there is someone watching you, look at the sky, dark or bright, day and night he’s watching you. I’ll find you soon, goodnight.
https://www.perfectapology.com/an-apology-to-myself1.html
ShiRoe's 